| my heart is in motion |
[Nov. 24th, 2009|11:24 pm] |
You should not be angry
If all she wants is your money
You should not be angry
'Cause all you want is her body |
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| she's got one in the oven, but that's nothing to do with me |
[Nov. 20th, 2009|09:52 pm] |
Sometimes you think you know someone.
And then they say something that makes you think that either you were wrong to begin with, or along with good changes they've made some bad ones.
I haven't crashed and burned yet in school, so I'm pretty happy about that.
Tomorrow I'm going to start my Christmas shopping with Liz, which is always a fun time.
She's probably my favourite person to shop with since we mock most of the same things.
I might be kind of overloaded with work lately, but it's nice to have money.
I'm working my third beer bin shift in a row tomorrow, which is awesome. |
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| twenty-one and invincible |
[Nov. 12th, 2009|10:28 pm] |
I had a nice day yesterday.
Class in the morning.
Did some of my psych readings.
Watched some more Law and Order SVU.
Chris showed up, we went for dinner.
We went to the AGO, we'd never been.
Then we watched some 30 Rock.
Good times.
This saturday I'm having the slightly bigger gathering, and seeing the family.
I can't believe I'm already 21. |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 6th, 2009|09:35 pm] |
|
"Why are you looking so upset like that? You're so cute with your dimples, who's been making you upset, what did they do to you?" |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 3rd, 2009|11:32 pm] |
Ughhh.
Way too stressed.
I can't wait until my second midterm is done with.
Then I can calm down. |
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| nerves |
[Nov. 3rd, 2009|04:07 pm] |
I have my first of two midterms tonight.
I'm pretty worried.
My second is tomorrow night.
I'm even more worried about that.
Can't wait until it's over. |
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| "he HAS" not "he IS" |
[Oct. 31st, 2009|01:12 am] |
So tonight I thought I'd pretend I was a regular girl.
I went out with some girls from work.
They were all excited that I came. That was nice.
I said to myself: tonight is the night I get hit on by a guy under thirty.
The second we get to the club, a guy with gray hair grabs my hand.
Oh come on.
Anyway I felt out of place and I can't dance either.
So after club one I decided to go home.
Ah well. |
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| so bad that my bones shake |
[Oct. 29th, 2009|06:12 pm] |
Nightmares, tossing and turning, dreams of wind and light streaming in windows, being beaten to a pulp, waking, sleeping, waking, sleeping.
Morning class, taking the GO train in, seeing my mom and little sister, doing shopping, giant milkshake, tasty sandwich.
Going out to Jumbo Video, watching Chris count cash, chatting about education with Dave, having my mind go blank, taking the streetcar to my place, warming me up, falling asleep.
Feeling like one of the family at Free Times, silently judging the ladies by the window, being quizzed, getting paid.
Mostly good times. |
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| hope |
[Oct. 27th, 2009|02:40 pm] |
My birthday is coming up.
Fifteen was kind of a grungy, mixed year.
Sixteen was a fun year.
Seventeen was a really brutal year but I grew a lot.
Eighteen was a fairly uneventful year.
Nineteen was a really great year.
Twenty was a pretty horrible year.
I wonder what Twenty one is going to be like? |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 25th, 2009|11:53 am] |
| [ | music |
| | i'm not alone - calvin harris | ] |
I'm still not right. |
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| "this song makes me want to cut my wrists" |
[Oct. 24th, 2009|01:36 am] |
Today sucked.
Things are okay and everything.
But today was a shitty day.
I got up, headed to the bathroom and Alex was in the shower. This almost never happens.
So I was late heading out the door and I decided to get some donut hole things from the convienence store, when I hear the lady in front of me ordering all of them.
And then it was raining and cold and awful, so I had to take the streetcar to work instead of having a nice walk.
All day at work I was waiting for it to be over.
I had a back-to-highschool moment with a coworker.
A girl behind me on the service bar got knocked shattering drinks everywhere.
I got glass in my shoe and had to limp to the back to pull a shard out of my heel.
Then later I got knocked sending my pints flying and shattering on the floor.
The people were fucking obnoxious, I couldn't get through anywhere, it was loud and no one could hear me and it went fucking late.
But hey. It's all over now. |
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| little tiny baby steps |
[Oct. 22nd, 2009|07:06 pm] |
I had dreams about setting up the bar. About the wooden planks, about the oval ice. It was a lot sunnier in my dream.
I don't understand clock radio alarms. "Baby, that's the alarm, you have to get up!" But it's just some stranger talking, though. I need shrill, loud, intrusive noises to jar me awake.
Crowded streetcars dehumanize us all.
I'm starting to really like this new job.
A sketchy cracklady complimented my outfit today.
I got started on my homework.
I'm watching lots of t.v. |
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| stimulus-response |
[Oct. 20th, 2009|09:54 pm] |
So first I worried that if I didn't say anything back you'd take it the wrong way.
Then I worried that if I did say something back you'd see it as too much like communication and cut me out.
And over and over.
So I figured on a compromise, I guess. It's a cheesy choice, I know, but the first three lines are the most directly true I could find in lyric form.
( homage ) |
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| in and out with the moon |
[Oct. 19th, 2009|09:57 pm] |
The unwell know something the well don't.
Those pill-sampling, therapy-attending, self-help-reading throngs of us. We know that misery is like the ocean. We know how it feels to ascend 5000 feet and still be nowhere near air. |
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| the water |
[Oct. 17th, 2009|10:00 pm] |
And when the world is dark and silent and perfect I'm dreaming of a drowning wasp.
And it's swimming towards me, closer and closer when Chris shifts in his sleep, brushes up against me. I wake up with a yelp of panic, which wakes him up too. And right away he grabs on to me. He pulls me in. He whispers "Baby, it's okay, it's okay, it's okay." And I'm too sleepy to be heartbroken. So I say "I know, it's okay, I know..." And right away almost, sleep closes in around me just like his arms.
It's okay? Maybe it is. |
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| mixed messages |
[Oct. 15th, 2009|04:46 pm] |
The various things that I want to say to various people...
+ Why can't you just be there, is that so hard?
+ We should do this more often
+ Do you think it's funny? Really? Because it doesn't look funny from over here.
+ I don't know if I can put up with you.
+ I need to see you more often.
+ Sure, you were mad, but what did I ever do to you?
+ Don't. Piss. Me. Off.
+ Why do we have to be like this? |
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| thanksgiving weekend |
[Oct. 12th, 2009|11:09 pm] |
- I slogged through my lengthy readings on suicide
- My little brother is a swell guy, and fixed my computer
- My little sister still enlists me to be her stylist
- My older brother showed up at the last minute so I didn't see much of him
- My dad worked the whole time
- My mom was great until the end
- Their dog howls in the middle of the night
- The potatoes were awesome, so was the apple crisp
- I had a creepy dream |
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